FROM THE FIELD
Dispatches from someone who learned the hard way.
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September 8, 2026
I’m Not Nice. I’m Kind.
Read More →The emotional transformation has been slow and painful. There is a shedding process that happens, and while I would love to make this story short — like an Instagram post where I have some epiphany — the reality is that habits, especially emotional ones, take time to marinate in your belly before they slowly change […]
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September 1, 2026
The Notebook
Read More →One of the actions that has made the largest impact on my life is my old-school notebook. I learned this trick in my twenties from a mentor — shout out Nickodemus. Every day I would get a lined notebook and write down what needed to be done, large and small. Then I would stack rank […]
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August 28, 2026
Seasoning on the Chicken
Read More →The very thing that hurts you. That massive failure. That crushing mistake you made where you gambled and lost. That must-win deal that flopped. That business you started that fizzled out completely, leaving you with no money and mud on your face. That gut-wrenching divorce that shattered your family. The once-in-a-lifetime project that was going […]
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August 25, 2026
The Scarlet F
Read More →Redemption comes from inner forgiveness first, and that is much harder to give yourself than one would think. Self-forgiveness is brutally hard to do. The shame and the embarrassment overwhelmed me. My thoughts raced wild through my ego-laden mind, to the point where I thought every single person I dealt with knew. And by knew, […]
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August 21, 2026
The Mentors I Found in Books
Read More →Who gave me belief or mentorship? This is easily the most painful question to answer, because there isn’t anyone. I never had a long-term positive role model in my life. Briefly I had a few men who meant a lot to me and guided me through various times — my grandfather when I was very […]
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August 18, 2026
There Was No Ah-Ha Moment
Read More →There was never a moment where I felt like I could climb out of this. No big “ah-ha” moment. Never — and I do mean ever — did I think “I got this.” That is the part nobody tells you about how to rebuild your life. You keep waiting for the lightning bolt, the morning […]
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August 14, 2026
I Never Knew My Dad
Read More →I never knew my dad. My mother raised me when she was very young and made tons of mistakes due to her age, her lack of resources, and her substance abuse problems. We moved around a lot, as I recall. Sometimes I was kicked off to stay with family members for weeks or months at […]
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August 13, 2026
My Boy Was Only Eight
Read More →When I was locked up at Lompoc, I thought many times of killing myself. I was in a very dark place. I hated myself so deeply that the weight of my decisions was crushing me. Shame and embarrassment had overwhelmed me. We all have doubts, but this was different. I was overwhelmed with doubt. I […]
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August 12, 2026
Here’s to the Ones Who Messed Up
Read More →I have largely felt like a total loser (and been told as much) for much of my life. And often I still feel like I am a loser, one filled with shame and deep embarrassment. I honestly feel compelled to write this, like something inside me that won’t stop telling me to, despite not really […]
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August 10, 2026
The Lie About Redemption
Read More →For some people who have never had anything to really redeem themselves from, there seems to be a belief that the “redeemer” has a vision, a goal, or some future north-star guiding light that pulls them forward like a tractor beam. Hollywood has created the montage that suggests the redeemer can see a future version […]