The very thing that hurts you.
That massive failure. That crushing mistake you made where you gambled and lost. That must-win deal that flopped. That business you started that fizzled out completely, leaving you with no money and mud on your face. That gut-wrenching divorce that shattered your family. The once-in-a-lifetime project that was going to be your coup de grâce, and instead went a whole lot of nowhere because it turns out your potential customers couldn’t care less.
That job you toiled at for years waiting on the massive payoff, and instead of being handsomely rewarded you were soundly fired, crushing your early retirement plans. The car wreck that derailed your physical and mental health for years. The loss of a child that reached into your chest, pulled your heart out and squeezed.
All of these things make you into the greatness you were supposed to be.
The seasoning on the chicken
It is what gets you that seat at the table. It’s the very reason you end up in rooms you could only dream of.
These moments of pain and failure are what give you the experience and the knowledge that become the acumen you, as an ambitious person, always wanted. Without that loss, without that failure, you have no seasoning on your chicken. You aren’t noteworthy, and you lack the understanding of what got you there.
Most of us live lives of quiet desperation because nothing ever happens the way we want it to.
Why we listen to the ones who came back
How many times have you seen the person who lost it all, built it back, and because they came back from the abyss we all want to hear their story on a podcast, in a book, or in a movie?
Pain, loss and failure are brutal. Of that there is no doubt. But it is because of that thing that you can help people. It is because of that thing that you are interesting. It is the because.
What learning from failure actually buys you
So know that all things come to pass. Bad times leave, as do good times, and it is up to us as humans to recognize it, reorganize, and move forward — turning those obstacles into a badge of honor.
Yes. Even the embarrassing mistakes.
He leaned into the ugly
The Wolf of Wall Street is only interesting because of his colossal screw-up. Without it he is just another finance bro. Just another middle manager in the finance space.
There have been thousands of finance guys who ruined their lives through bad decisions — drugs, blowing cash, destroying their careers and subsequently their lives. Countless stories of men ruining it all chasing the high of money and excess.
Why then was Jordan Belfort’s story so epic?
Because he leaned into the embarrassment. Yes, he made a spectacle of himself. But he leaned into the ugliest parts of his life. He showed how he lied to clients, cheated on his wife, and looked like an absolute degenerate. The ugliest side of his life was all shown. We know him not just because he turned his life around, but because he showed us that ugly truth. He was brave in that way.
And the trick is that it was authentic. He never intended his life to be made into a disaster movie with his most embarrassing moments as the comical punctuation. Because of his lowest moments, we know of him.
Imagine the loss from his perspective. Two marriages destroyed. Addiction. Press about the fraud and the cheating. Prison. Massive financial restitution. The amount of stress and pressure coming down on him would have crushed most people.
Season the chicken
That thing that made you miserable — that crushed you and nearly killed you mentally, spiritually and physically — makes you a special kind of expert in that thing. It sets you apart. And it is the thing that actually gets you the seat at the table that, at least for me, I always wanted.
So stop trying to hide the worst chapter. It’s the only part of the recipe nobody else has.
Next chapter: The Notebook →